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If tears could talk… July 16, 2011

Filed under: Emotions,Family,Life,Truth — elliotbrandy @ 3:20 pm

It’s been a long time since I’ve put my soul on a page, so bear with me this could get long, but I’ll try to be to the point.

May 20, 2011:
I peed on a stick and it made me cry.
If my tears could talk they would they would stand in shock of how a little pink line could bring such surprise and joy.

June 16, 2011:
I met my baby. The ultrasound made me lay in complete amazement that I could see him move and not feel a thing. Then the sound came on and I cried. If my tears could talk they would say one hundred and seventy beats of pure magic just took my breathe away.

June 28, 2011
Dad was diagnosed with Mantle Cell Lymphoma. As words and phrases like: “rare” “hard to treat” and “incurable” came up, I cried. If my tears could talk they would scream in great anger. “Why? Why my family AGAIN? Was all mom’s surgeries, Angie’s cancer, Stephie’s UC, and Sam’s miscarriage of the twins/bad surgery not enough? All that I could handle. Watching Angie loose her hair and fight for life, sucked but I could handle it. Watching Steph’s teenage years fade into the background as a disease claimed her sociability, I hated it, but I could bear it. Watching Sam’s joy of  finding out about a pregnancy turn to pain with each appointment that revealed more and more complications. It was awful, but I could stand it. This time it’s different; this time it’s MY DADDY, this I can not handle. God, I’m angry and I’m hurt and I’m just about out of hope.”

Early July:
Dr Bandi seems to think that Dad’s cancer is found early and for now we can look for treatment trials, but without further symptoms, we don’t need to treat. For me, tears of joy! My talking tears would say, ignore it and won’t be there! That I can do! Sounds stupid, but I liked. You treat the sick. If you aren’t treating, you aren’t sick! I know it’s not true, but I can totally adopt that philosophy.

July 8, 2011:
Today Angie is cancer free for 5 years. That changes her to the status of “CURED” and also gives her the term “Survivor”. Believe it or not, I cried ALL DAY LONG (at work). I’m sure it looked ridiculous to all of my patients and coworkers, but my tears cried with celebration. Angie even laughed at me a little when I called her on my lunch break to tell her how happy I was. What a great thing to celebrate.

July 13, 2011
This little hunk of life joined us! 8lbs 5oz and 20.5inches of pure joy. Needless to say, I CRIED! Tears of hope. Tears that said, blessing come in small packages, but they make a world of difference. Just look at him, he’s BEAUTIFUL! Brennan Parker Geiger, I LOVE YOU!

July 14, 2011 (one day later):
Found out Dad’s cancer is not caught early, but that it’s stage 4. It’s not only in the bone marrow, but it’s also near some vital organs, liver and portal system, and it has the potential to flare quickly and get those organs involved. IE we start chemo in 3 weeks followed by hospital stays and more chemo and isolation and a bone marrow transplant. Tears of sorrow-dare I add the words: agony, anguish, desperation, grief and misery. If you know how much of a daddy’s girl I am you would know that the depth of my emotions are not just those of dramatization or fancy words, but a true and genuine heart ache.

Today my tears fall without words, but rather feelings of hopelessness and pain. Even with all the encouragement and prayers people are offering, I feel nothing except that tears that fall.

Sorry that this post may be a little depressing, but if I’m gonna take the time to write it down I’m going to tell the truth. Also, I referred to my baby as a “him” above… we do not know the sex of the baby, but I always use the male term for 2 reasons: 1) The male term is gender neutral and 2) I think it’s a boy. But again we don’t know so don’t read into the ”him.”

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P-E-R-S-E-V-E-R-E May 10, 2011

Filed under: Goals,Health/Fitness,Inspiration,Progress — elliotbrandy @ 9:36 pm

Persevere: to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly Persist: to last or endure tenaciously

These last few weeks I’ve become a blog slacker, which in turn has allowed me to slack on my healthy eating! First there was Easter weekend.  Then there was Angie’s baby shower and company in town. Then there was Elliot’s graduation and his family in town. With all these great events I’ve realized that we celebrate with food too much. Easter is a feast for a family gathering. We didn’t really chow down at the shower, but it’s always good to go sit down at a restaurant and catch up on life. Same thing with graduation- “Congrats ! Let’s eat.” Ugh! What a terrible habit. Even if you can eat healthy off a menu, it is far more difficult to control the portions. You get talking with people and you don’t pay attention to how much you eat.

The good thing is that I’ve still been exercising, and I have still lost 2lbs since my last recorded weigh in. The bad thing is I could have lost more! Part of the struggle I knew I would have at the beginning of me journey is persevering after a rough week. Special events and family visits are special and don’t happen all the time, and it is okay to splurge every now and then, but three weekends in a row, made my Monday of strict nutrition and exercise more difficult.

Now it’s time to make this journey better than the weight lose attempts I’ve made before. This time I’m bracing one word, “PERSEVERE!” So I had a couple bad weekends, but suck it up and “endure tenaciously my purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement.    So I found some motivation:
In July, Elliot and I have a wedding to go to in Phoenix, AZ. I found a dress in my closet that I bought for a previous occasion and then changed my mid for the occasion. The dress is 2 sizes smaller than I wear now, but I would LOVE to wear it to the wedding. So I take a picture of the couple who’s wedding it is, with me to the gym and focus on it during my cardio! I can get the dress on, but I can’t get it zipped. So I think I’ll take pictures in the dress and show the progress of the zipper. Success is not measured by numbers alone, so I’m going to measure my success through a goal! Picture to be posted later.

 

Methods April 27, 2011

Filed under: methods — elliotbrandy @ 9:26 pm

Since I posted my week three weigh in pictures, several of you have asked me what I am doing to obtain these results. Look no further, here’s my answer.

I simply embraced the Nike slogan, “JUST DO IT!” and I am just doing it! The simplest way to shrink down is cut back on food and increase the exercise.

Honestly I have done nothing special. I started counting calories using http://www.myfitnesspal.com. It keeps me accountable to what goes it my mouth, but it allows me to eat just about anything I want.  I eat a minimum of 1200 calories a day and no more than 1400. I try to stick closer to 1200 though. On days with more difficult workouts I allow myself a little more than 1200. I quit drinking Dr Pepper and eating fast food. I kissed french fries goodbye. I know there are certain foods that if I eat just a little of I can’t stop. Things such as french fries and brownie, so for now, while I’m still learning self control/portion control I just don’t have them. My secret food is yogurt. I love it. It’s easy to grab and go for breakfast and it keeps me full until lunch. It also has good protein and calcium. Other than yogurt, there is one more super food that you will find in my refridgerator, hard boiled eggs: healthy, quick, easy and cheap.

As far as exercise goes. I just move. I stated with running ,because that’s what I love. It puts me in my own little world . Starting out I was so out of shape that I couldn’t run much more than 5minutes at a time, so I started with intervals. I’d run as much as I could and then walk a little. I still run intervals and I will continue to run intervals until I am able to reach my goal. My shins weren’t loving all the running at first,  so I alternate running with other cardio machines like the stepper or then eliptical. I never use the bike though because I hate it. I get bored on a bike and don’t feel like I get intense workout that I need with it! I also try to do strength workouts with resistance bands or weights at least 3 times a week. I am no pro at this, but I do have a subscription to Fitness Magazine and  it always comes with new ideas for toning exercises. I also get their emails and get daily exercises. I do a lot of lunges, squats, crunches and leg lifts. I like lunging, it makes running easier and I don’t get bored because they can be modified many different ways. I don’t like to do abs or arms alone, because they are hard for me and I need LOTS of encouragement with those. After repeatedly begging my husband he finally started doing push-ups and sit-ups with me just a few days ago.

I believe the number one key to my success, however, is posting nasty ugly fat pictures for the world to see. I’m mean seriously how ashamed would I be if I let you all see how yucky I look and stay that way. My motivation is being able to give you a better picture that will hopefully wipe out that ugly image and give you a new image so astonishing that you can’t even remember the first. Going public with not just my decision to make a change, but  to actually put pictures out there encourages me to work a little harder.

So, to sum up the answer to your question “What are you doing?” I just took it old school found some motivation, cut down on what I eat and increased what I do.

To give you a more clear picture of what less calories and more exercise look like I’ll try to log my food/exercise diary on here for just one week.

 

Weigh In: Week 3 April 24, 2011

Filed under: Health/Fitness,Progress,Update — elliotbrandy @ 5:38 am

So I’m not the best blogger in the world, because I often forget to write or get too busy. Obviously Thursday is weigh in day, and that is when I did my measurements and weight and even pictures, but I’m just now finding time to post them. I felt like I was having good progress then I put the pictures together and I felt even more encouraged that what I am doing is working.  I’m well on my way to a healthier me.

Weight: lost 2 more pounds, so I’m down a total of eleven pounds.
BMI: 30% (I started at 35%)
Chest: 39inches (that’s another 1/2 inch down from last week and a total loss of 2 inches)
Abs: 34inches (That’s a 2 inches this week and total loss of 3.5 inches.)
R arm/L arm: 12.5/12.5 inches (Finally a 1/2 inch came off of each arm, that’s an inch off the right and a 1/2inch off the left)
Hips: 41inches (That’s 1.5 inches off since last week and a total loss of 2.5 inches)
R thigh/L thigh: 25/25inches (That’s a 1/2 inch loss and a total loss of one inch each)

Since I began 3 weeks ago I have lost a total of 11lbs, dropped my BMI by 5% points and lost a total of 11.5 inches.  Here’s the pictures to prove it!

So hopefully, you can see the improvement. Obviously I still have a long way to go, but overall I feel great and the better I do, the more motivated I become to push forward toward my goals. As you can see I still hate my arms they are so largely unproportionate to the rest of my body (and it’s not because of muscle!) If anyone has some good pointers or workouts that force your arms to get it in gear, I’d appreciate it.

 

Work Sucks! April 20, 2011

Filed under: Goals,Update — elliotbrandy @ 2:25 am

As many of you know, I’m not in love with my job. Let me rephrase that.. I love nursing and I love my patient’s, but I do not love the place I work. Work stresses me out in unhealthy ways, it makes me want to eat and cry and lay around about mourn. (ok so maybe the mourning is a little dramatic, but you get the picture.)  Yes working only 3 days out of the week is nice, but having 12 hour shifts makes those days extremely hard to workout. You’re exhausted by the time they are over and you just want to sleep. I’ve never worn a pedometer to work, but I would be interested to find out how many steps I take! Basically what I’m saying is that work doesn’t help my weight loss.

On another note, yesterday I did over 100 squats and boy is my butt feeling it today! I love being sore! It makes me feel like I’ve done the work and I earned the muscle! Mrs Steffen asked me if i had any specific exercise goals or races coming up to keep me motivated. Tomorrow will be my day of searching for specific goals with measurable outcomes. So stay tuned!

 

Weigh In: Week 2 April 15, 2011

Filed under: Progress — elliotbrandy @ 2:50 am

As far as numbers progress doesn’t read as great as week one, but that’s to be expected, As far as exercise goes I can feel a huge difference. I run farther and faster. I’m less sore and I enjoy sweating. My clothes fit better and I eat much better. I’m more energized and feel good. They only two things that have changed that I’m not a fan of, are my new onset indigestion and my new left leg shin splint.

Anyways here’s the stats:

Weight: lost 2 more pounds. (I’m down a total of 9lbs)
Chest: 39.5 (That’s a half an inch smaller than last Thursday)
Abs:36… no change
R arm/Larm: 13/13 (Same)
Hips:42.5 (that’s a half an inch smaller that last Thursday)
R Thigh/ L Thigh:25.5/25.5 (Each Lost a half an inch)

 

Inspiration April 8, 2011

Filed under: Inspiration — elliotbrandy @ 1:53 am

Let’s be honest there is one week out of every month that just makes a girl want to eat everything chocolate in sight. That is me this week! While the cravings have been there, I have exercised my new found self control and only given into one brownie on Sunday and a Carmelo on Tuesday. As time goes on with this journey there are some things I’ve learned. One being that this journey is not easy. Two being that it is important to know your weaknesses and have some inspiration to combat the days or moments of weakness.

My weaknesses:

  1. Chocolate, Dr Pepper, French Fries
  2. Excuses (too tired, too busy, too many chores, etc…)
  3. Anxiety
  4. Goals too big (they seem too far off to motivate myself if I don’t break them down into smaller more quickly achievable goals)

Ways I stay inspired:

  1. Think about my family/future family
  2. I think about my swim suit
  3. While running I picture myself as Rocky fitting to the “Eye of the Tiger” and it forces me to run a little farther.
  4. Jennifer Hudson… She looks great!
  5. My pride….now that I put myself out there I’d rather protect my pride and not fail
  6. A picture from my Junior Year Homecoming…. that was a time in my life that I felt beautiful in my body because i was in great shape.
  7. Infomercials— I watch fitness infomercials on the TV while I run
  8. My Power Playlist- Find music you like and use it to push you forward.
  9. Progress… once you start to see progress, you feel encouraged to do more.
  10. Isaiah’s Wedding… Our Friend Isaiah is getting married in Phoenix, AZ on July 23rd this summer. It will be HOT so I am feeling inspired to loose weight and find a great dress to wear!